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Confessions of a bad immigrant 

I think nobody will dispute it that, if you want to immigrate to another country, you should make an effort to be considerate of the local culture and sensibilities. It's a bit like a relationship: know what you're getting into before committing, be willing to respect their limits.

"Consideration" is such a slippery notion tho. I've been told to not gay kiss or poly kiss because it made people uncomfortable, it's a family environment, think of their feelings. I've seen Japanese homosexual ppl say they had to marry for procreation, for to do otherwise would be a tremendous lack of consideration to their parents, to whose tirelessl hard work they owe their bodies. I've been told not to wear makeup to work, because I had to be professional and respect German cultural norms. By a non-German. No German ever seemed bothered by early transition me wearing concealer, but somehow "being considerate of the local culture" seems to translate so easily to "don't make me uncomfortable by flaunting queerness".

In some countries, everyday cooking is full of spices, with a rich, appetising scent. When they immigrate, some locals will complain of that terrible greasy smell that gets everywhere. Maybe they'll refuse rent to ppl from those countries. In the country of origin the smell get everywhere too, but there it was just a fact of life, nobody paid any mind, nobody blamed their neighbours for it. In the host country, it's inconsiderate.

I imagine what it feels to those immigrants. Either resign yourself to eating what must feel like the most boring, cardboard nothing food every meal, day at day. Or fail to prove that you deserve to live in the rich country. Taint the reputation of all your countrypeople. Fail to show that you assimilated, get booted right back into whatever terrible conditions you were fleeing from. ("If it's so terrible there you can get by without the spices". Yes you can. But should you have to choose?)

I'm being roundabout, even here, afraid of being one of the bad ones. I'm lying, I don't have to imagine how they feel, I know. You _will_ be assimilated. When the choice is deportation or assimilation, well, resistance is futile.

But what really gets to me, what really gets to me, is not being allowed to express sadness about it. The taboo on criticising host country. "If you complain so much why do you want to live here."

I want to live here, and I want to complain so much, complain about things that make me sad about living here. Germany will be fine. I'm not going to change anything, I don't hold any power in our relationship, I have to be a model citizen or else. But I will grant myself the right to vent to the void how I really feel.

It's past 1am and I am crying, a lot. I'm crying about things that most Germans won't empathise with, things they'd frown upon on their neighbours. Things related to overwhelmingly negative opinions about third-world, non-EU immigrants in polls, looming under outwardly liberal attitudes and a generally respectful treatment. (Usually Most of the time.)

Hell, I want to cry about things that many Brazilians will see as our flaws and not empathise with, at least the upper classes, at least those who haven't spent a few years in the cold lands. I look at my poor, dirty, violent country, and I miss not a curated reel of the best parts, I miss the people, with all their very real issues.

I miss not being able to sleep at 2am, every week, because middle-aged ppl are singing painful love ballads on booze and an acoustic guitar in the specialty bar in front of my rented room. I'm not being facetious, I really miss it. Having my healthy sleep patterns disturbed by them made me smile. They were happy. They were _making happiness_ I had to work the next day, I woke worse, work was worse, fuck work, work doesn't matter, this is music, love, happiness, this matters. They understood that.

Music and love and happiness is holy, damn you all.

I miss not being able to sleep at 2am because my neighbours are having a loud party. I miss the knowledge that if I knocked on the door with a smile I'd be taken right in, a perfect stranger, even if I was too shy and dysphoric to act on that knowledge it comforted me.

I miss not being able to sleep at 2am because of the magnificent ppl coming down from the hills, the favelas, blasting downright pornographic earworms right to the face of polite middle-class society, hacked DIY sound systems shaking the security walls with maxxed-out bass. They are so right, polite middle class society is a grinding wheel running on blood, it more than deserves being blasted at 2am with cocks buried to the balls and dripping, all-consuming hungry pussies.

I curse this silence. I miss not being able to sleep at 2am because it's Carnaval and everybody is outside dancing and drinking and fucking one another for the pure, innocent shining reason of a body wanting another body.

And yes, I confess, I miss singing at 2am.

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relationship, mh mention, funny 

Them, still tired in bed: "Wake me up insiiiide"

Me, manic: *opens their mouth and shouts "Good morniiiiing" into it*

They seem more awake now.

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food 

sucks that I have to get out of bed if I want breakfast

why can’t breakfast just bring itself to bed for me

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its bandcamp friday!! neat!!!

if you know any sick independent musicians and you have a few pennies to spare, today is the best day to buy music on bandcamp so artists get 100% of the proceeds

if youre a musician or if you have some recs, drop a link 👀

if you like powderpaint maybe grab our EP if you havent already 👉👈

powderpaint.bandcamp.com/album

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going Extremely elementary school core and putting on a tshirt that says "being mean still kinda sucks actually"

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selfie, eye contact, Black Queer and trans joy thread 

I want to push back against any anxiety folks may have today and work against the opressive whiteness of the timeline with some folks of black folks, especially queer and/or trans black folks enjoying themselves.

Please expand this thread by contributing to it!

Please help this thread by boosting it.

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uspol, mental health, drugs 

Good morning.

There's plenty of anxiety to go around for USians, particularly today, and us USians have a tendency to make our anxieties the anxieties of the world.

Don't feel like you need to watch the spectacle. Don't feel like you're required to do some sort of penance by staying glued to the current events feeds all around you.

Have a snack. Play a game. Listen to your favorite songs. Smoke a bowl. Nap.

You and yours are more important than the spectacle.

Self care is civil defense.

:blobpats: 💜 :blobpats:

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Please give recommendations for trans gaming youtubers/streamers that I can put on in the background or watch when my brain doesn't wamna do anything. It can be you if you want this as an opportunity to plug yourself I don't mind algorithms just make it kinda hard to find gaming content that isn't a cishet white dude.

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Skinny white and masc isn't the only way to be androgynous!

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On decolonizing my Web use:

"…I am online… but my most recently piece of hardware is a ~6 year old smartphone.

"And it feels like every day, another part of the Web increases how much power it requires to use, and effectively says "either buy new tools or be excluded."

"The Internet, if it is a "space", is non-Euclidean… Your neighbor who uninstalled Instagram because it started draining their battery? The neighborhood... warps and wraps to bury and erase the existence of the neighbor, perfectly stitching over where it was with a neighborhood that is less than it was.

"This has implications in a society living under physical isolation, like we're now doing because of COVID, that horrify me.

"If the Web is our community, then our community has no space for people who are not Collaborators, because it is only Collaborators who can secure the technological privilege to participate.

"I think it's worth pausing here, to ruminate on a question: how much work would you, personally, have to do to form a friendship with someone who doesn't have Internet access, today, given COVID.

"Now, consider: it requires financial privilege to secure technological privilege (e.g. Internet access). In effect, we're saying that people need financial privilege in order to be able to socialize in a society living under physical isolation.

"That is, in a word, assimilation: it is using the threat of loneliness to coerce people...

"The effect of all this is that by using the Web, by continuing to socialize on the Web, through COVID, we are coercing people to become more active Collaborators with the contemporary kyriarchy, creating more Web users, coercing more people...

"Not to understate things, but: bummer!"

full essay at emsenn.substack.com/p/on-decol

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"Negative" or "-" is a good CW to use to warn others the thoughts we're expressing may be difficult to bear.

I suggest you do respect it when you encounter such posts unprepared. The temptation to read everything is always strong, but when you see such tags, the author cares about your well-being and took a moment to protect you. They expect you may skip or circle back later.

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source mirror of youtube-dl encoded as image with decode commands

convert -depth 8 yt_dl1.png rgb:yt_dl1.part
convert -depth 8 yt_dl2.png rgb:yt_dl2.part
cat yt_dl1.part yt_dl2.part > yt_dl-2020.9.20.tar.gz

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Chronic pain be like:

I'm putting the "ow" in meow
👉 :blobcatmeltcry:​ 👉

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Fool's Garden - Lemon Tree was about lockdowns sitting here in boring rooms

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selfie ec 🦈 

i'm radically soft and ready to be gay do crime

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