Theranos Board of Directors @twisted@pixie.town

showing this to my therapist and speedrunning getting sectioned

ah yes. my friend, John Khmer Rouge (this is what JKR stands for. do not let anyone tell you otherwise) who works for the CIA is completely trustworthy. i'm going to go out into the woods and play with deadly weapons with him while drinking. this can't possibly have unforseen consequences

this would be rejected by every single editor as too on the nose

forget the alamo 💀

@fillertrack i have olneys' lesions and strongly resent being compared to rich people

@vultureculture its times like these i like to have my handy moisture getters around (the silica dispersal grenades detonate, making my apartment's air completely unbreathable)

[Scene: Henry Kissinger and George W. Bush are in a cell together. Loudspeakers are set up in the cell. "Enter Sandman" is playing at deafening volume.]

💬"Standards have really gone downhill. You know, in my day the boys used to play Wagner over their helicopter's speakers and time their gatling bursts to the crescendos and ostinatos. Have we forgotten how to torture the enemy without also torturing ourselves?"

💬 "Well, ah, Hank, yknow, if ya don't like the harder stuff, I can always put on some Huey Louis instead..."

"yeah they tortured some folks with ...And Justice For All. im kinda proud"

imagine for a moment youre the kind of person who is pro-torture (dril? maybe?)

now imagine your art being used to torture the people you think should be tortured

it doesnt seem like it reflects well on the quality of the art

family guy did a bit where they tortured, um, Family Guy Funny Moments Compilation (?) with celine dion and the whole joke was that Here To Explain The Joke hates celine dion

ok now stop imagining being pro-torture. doing it too long is bad for your psyche

wait. joke cancelled. they straight up tortured people with metallica.

i forgot about "outrages on personal dignity." funniest war crime tbh, because it covers the genuinely horrifying shit they do to people at guantanamo (no joke here, i read one prisoner's testimony of one day in that place and still have nightmares about it) but it also technically covers playing metallica during the 1st battle of fallujah if you hate james hetfields singing enough

🗨"My favorite Metallica album is "And Justice For All." It reminds me of that time I was president. "

i think if they ever send george w bush to the hague they should mention he made iraqi civilians listen to metallica (viz. Rome Statute of the ICC, article 8, §2.a.ii)

yeah we love 'em. it got boring having nobody to throw cocktail glasses at