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@library_squirrel@weirder.earth @MerlinJStar@weirder.earth 👋

@library_squirrel@weirder.earth @MerlinJStar@weirder.earth I'm not sure this aligns with what I've heard from folks who weren't raised in Western cultures. Additionally, I feel I did address those concerns in my initial reply.

Why are you so insistent that framing queerness as a western lens is wrong? My point was that there are behaviors that look like queerness in regions that people who live there might view differently, and that it's important for the queer community to listen to the people there and respect whether or not someone identifies with 'queer'. If someone does identify with queerness, that's fantastic, too.

I never intended for it to be exclusionary, but I do think it's reductive to paint homosexual love as queer in a culture that is actively opposed to western colonization. IMO, it would be like calling a tone poem music genre that evolved on its own 'jazz', despite the objections of the musicians.

To put it another way, what would the world be like if we didn't 'need' queerness to keep people safe and happy? What if that were the case in the culture you were raised in? Do you think it would affect your relationship with queerness?

I'm reminded most of two-spirit indigenous traditions, and a feeling of 'not needing' queerness to fight against homophobia and similar, as those themes weren't present pre-colonization. As individuals, many two-spirit people, especially younger ones, are queer, but not everyone is, and I think that's important to respect.

It's not the kind of thing that makes for interesting conversation, it's just a note to respect that not everyone identifies that way.

@MerlinJStar@weirder.earth yeah, that's fair. It's easy for me to forget that my mastodon experience is probably very different from yours. In hindsight, I should have started off my reply with a clear and resounding 'yes, I agree'.

I didn't see the recent queer discourse thing you're referring to, but I hear where you're coming from regarding the holes in the discourse there. They sound par for the course. Oof.

Thanks for the energy. :)

@MerlinJStar@weirder.earth

Not to nitpick terribly, but I see queerness as a somewhat modern lens, and as a western invention that arose out of imposed heteronormativity in that region starting around the mid to late 1800s.

Genders outside of a binary and love outside of western heteronormativity have been all over the world for a really long time, but I worry that calling them queer erases that local history and replaces it with western queer history. A kind of a whitewashing or maybe a rainbow-washing, as it were?

A case where this seems relevant might be some femme-centered trans, drag, or cross-dressing communities in Thailand insisting that their members are masculine, but western queer culture would likely say that they are binary women, and only that. Both groups are probably making the decisions they are because it helps them fit into their local cultures most smoothly and safely. It took me a bit before I was like "oh, right. I've never been to Thailand, who am I to call these people who are obviously doing cool things with gender transphobic?"

Anyways, if you're into gay history, you might like this video where Xiran Jay Zhao discusses bisexuality in ancient China: https://youtube.com/watch?v=tS2VXSroznY .

@ElbenherzArt oh, what, this old thing? First fanart of a guy, the publisher officially licensed it. No big deal. 😎

Dang, that is so cool. I love how reflective the metal accents are!

@fack check to see if they have a special 'top surgery' pillow, or if there's post-operation things that would be 'nice to have' that they haven't already gotten.

There's some drainage pocket hoodie garment that folks often like. Maybe not this one exactly, but something like it. Your friend probably already knows this/has a plan. https://www.etsy.com/listing/542496412/post-mastectomy-hoodie-with-surgical

Otherwise, I'd ask them and just focus on just bein' there. Visit them and help out with a meal, and then clean up afterwards. Surgical recovery is boring and tiring, and it's likely that they might feel shy about having trouble/not supposed to do housework etc.

I loaded up an old e reader with books I loved for my partner, and that seemed to work really well. Another friend stocked up on coloring books. Podcast/show recommendations might also be good, but I'd keep to pretty light things that you can still follow okay if you doze off for a few minutes.

You might also get them a gift card for your favorite place to get shirts/dress shirts.

Generally, I'd send them a text and say something like "Congrats on your surgery date! Can I help with anything?"

@MerlinJStar@weirder.earth good morning!~

@david@mstdn.ything.xyz @aurynn I think you might be missing some context here. The leadership for Mastodon's development often doesn't support safety features (like tools that thwart web crawlers).

Could other implementations do this? Sure, but it's a pretty "core system" kind of issue, to my understanding, and without buy-in, it gets more difficult.

There are other projects in the works that are likely to help alleviate some of this. Gotosocial comes to mind.

Not all solutions need to be technical solutions, though-- lack of community support has continued to be a powerful tool for enabling better user privacy in the fediverse.

@f0x @thufie jinx! I just linked the same to some replyguy. :P

My unsolicited two cents:

I went through college without using an IDE until my final semester because nobody told me about them. I spent hours each week resolving syntax errors that I have never, as a professional, ever made (for more than three minutes) because my IDE immediately highlighted them.

It's likely that using an IDE would have increased my GPA measurably, and changed my graduate school strategy. It's pretty fucked up that I didn't even know they existed, probably due to some kind of weird snobbery.

People should use what makes their hearts glow, or at least that doesn't make them angry-type code.

I cannot stand Microsoft Excel, and can relate to your pain, but do not share the same fury.

@david@mstdn.ything.xyz @aurynn @maegul

To your first point:
thanks for your offer to help!
The biggest need right now is for an open source, easy to use transcription add on for online voice chat programs like discord or mumble.

Post-processing options mix all the speaker voices together, and this makes the audio harder to process and the live transcription less reliable.

How much time do you have to put towards this? Most solutions for mumble are in rust, and there isn't anything available for discord. It's important to have a latency of 3 seconds or less, and for it to run well on a mid-range pc, or a cloud budget of under $2/hour of use.

When are you available, what languages do you speak, and how many hours per week are you offering to volunteer?

To your second point:

Being gently mean to someone is an excellent way to avoid escalating a social conflict while pushing them away. If someone is being mean to your friend and you choose to be friendly to that person, your friend's feelings are likely to be hurt.

It makes sense to use compassion and patience, especially at first, but if someone *continues* to treat your friend badly, it's important to let them know that you're not okay with it! Most people do this without even realizing it using tools like their body language.

Unfortunately, when we're online, other people can't see our body language, so it's easy for them to not realize they're being rude. ;)

When maintaining a friendly place online, it's really important to let people know when they're being rude early enough that they can choose to change their behavior without losing face.

But, if that strategy doesn't work, and they still decide to be mean, it's important that you are ready! If someone gets really mad on the internet, sometimes they try to attack people! This can be with technical strategies like executing a DDoS attack, or more social engineering approaches, like doxing!

Those are no fun and add a burden of stress and labor to your community, so it's usually much less effort if the person leaves on their own. A good way to encourage this is to give them the impression that their contributions aren't welcome, or that they will have better luck finding friends that like them somewhere else.

Aurynn's strategy of "be mean to people taking advantage of mastodon's data" works off of this basic social principle. Pretty clever, huh?

If you're interested in more of her work, she also wrote some fantastic essays. Here are my two favorites:
https://blog.aurynn.com/2015/12/16-contempt-culture
https://blog.aurynn.com/2017/04/13-the-that-guy-effect

@david@mstdn.ything.xyz @aurynn @maegul

if it's possible, someone *will* do it, eh? Nah, I reject that.

I think your point was to say "it is difficult or impossible to entirely prevent on a technical level", and I totally agree there.

But, man, there are so many basic fuckin' accessibility projects that haven't "just magically happened" because they're possible. Things get built because people care enough to build them. It's hard to look at what you said and not be bitter as fuck, and this is as someone who spends time building accessibility tools, but wanting more.

Being toxic to toxic developers saps the 'caring' out of their project and drains their energy, which usually shuts them down. It isn't a 100% solution, but it's pretty dang effective and requires no changes to code.

@MerlinJStar@weirder.earth similar to your above mention, but hosting the interview in a place that isn't accessible by public transit is a big one.

Also, assumptions around internet/connectivity access, or assumptions that finding a quiet room with good internet is trivial. Relatedly, that someone has access to a room like that and that that room *looks good on camera*.

When I was interviewing, I needed a dual monitor setup to do coding interviews, but the only room with that is my bedroom. Being interviewed in my bedroom was stressful and weird, and it seemed a little unprofessional. It went fine, but it was weird.

It would be great if there were a quiet, public space with a dual monitor setup and good internet that would be appropriate to be interviewed in, but they're not very common.

A good solution might be for the employer to offer an office in a coworking space near the applicant or on a transit line, and to reserve it for an hour or two beforehand so the person can get set up and settled in first.

Generally, for food, opt for things that won't tire either of you. Frozen lasagnas, grocery store deli options, microwave veggies, boxed pasta dinners, whatever is simple to make, but tasty. It's a good excuse to try something you've both been curious about, but I wouldn't take any big food risks without a solid backup plan.

The goal here is to minimize labor/stress so that everyone has energy for a little more quality time. So go ahead, take a shortcut or two on dinner if you'd like, and direct that energy towards your time together, instead.

Drinks-wise, a bottle of wine can be a bit much for two people, but a can of it has enough for a bit more than two glasses, and is usually less expensive. I also like to use the mini boxes of wine (they hold about 250 ml?) as a decent and inexpensive choice. They also fit in the fridge better when chilling.