mei 🌒& @ckie@pixie.town

love is the ultimate force
love is the ultimate force
love is the ultimate force..

for the things we do that make us become who we are
for the things we say

i do write the alt text and i do write the CWs and i don't post the way i feel about the rise of fascism or what i think im built from mentally and i guess i can also handle the posty box being tiny

but after all that shit i have no energy left here if i want to post more deeply about how i feel, to make friends with my thoughts, to let someone relate, to not worry about whether my thought has good vibes because it feels like i'll get nuked if i fuck up once because my brain decided to be mean to me and i needed to write it somewhere so my friends can know whats up. so even if that probably wont happen i cant relax and just write stream-of-thoughts and livepost.

all of these are Not A Big Deal, a Tolerable Cost but there are simply too many!! what to do??

this platform is accursed. i have a thought. i'd like to post it.
- i open the webby site
- i get my brain bombarded by 3-5 other posts without even scrolling
- i TRY to remember what it was, and write it
- i need to figure out what CWs fit
- i probably can't post it if it's too controversial or triggering to someone
- i'm so, so tired of writing alt text and i've yet to know someone blind even
- with every word i write i can feel the thousand retorts e.g. "oh but im autistic and i rely on those alt texts too" well guess what its my post and im autistic too
- i read more posts i dont care about here or can do nothing to help with than just about any other platform, email or twitter or cohost are *all* better at this
- i am currently focused on the lists tab of the masto ui to not see the live post feed (even twitter has a "Show $x tweets" popup when theres more to read!!)
- i'd like to write deep posts but this community feels shallow as heck and i have 88 followers currently which is an absurd number of people to be reading my inner thoughts. pls let me post to a list and have that be more direct and separate from the big tl. fuck i might just host a mailing list for this.
- i have seen the same post 2382374 times because it shows you it again when another mutual boosts it?? come on..
- why cant i click on a hashtag and mute it
- why cant i write a filter for a single mutual
- why cant i limit the range of posts i see. i dont wanna see posts of someones friend's friend's friend's friend. [that's too many people to worry about](https://cohost.org/pervocracy/post/1514198-but-what-about-t), i cant fit them all in my heart.
- why cant i see my friends posts. no i dont care if they're on masto.social i just wanna see their posts in my client. goddamn

probably more missed

good morny fedi!! ​

i know u understand
i cant leave u alone
i gave u my time
u cant pick up the phone
life is so tragic huh
it wont live me alone
try not to be obsessive
im a messed up girl i know (i know, i
know) ∞x

https://soundcloud.com/user-177606669/i-know-i-know-i-know-i-know-i-know-i-know-i-know

creatures here know about the thonkpad hardware maintenance manuals right?
its
so good
https://download.lenovo.com/pccbbs/mobiles_pdf/t480s-hmm_en.pdf (my lappy)
if youre on a slow machine +pdfjs/firefox you can see the diagram of the insides of the computer load.. not just one image!! u can see it assembling itself almost as the page loads..

computered too hard