reflections on abuse, self-worth, and "fair" (+)
jasmine just said "abusers always view the abuse as fair" to me
i already know this... both intuitively and from my own reading about these dynamics.
still, it really hits me when i think about this.
for years i internalized that "fairness".
it has made healing from the abuses of my life that much harder, because on a fundamental level i viewed the abuses as fair. i was told they were fair.
even today, i will credit my upbringing with equipping me to navigate power structures in this absolutely fucked up world of capitalism and hierarchy.
the reason i credit my abusers instead of celebrating my own resilience to handle this world despite my abuse is that i justify the abuse to myself as fair.
i was told that i had to be abused to prepare me for the world, the abuses of the world feel the same as these abuses i was raised to endure. the justification feels true, but the psychological research says otherwise. the way i react to sweetness and love says otherwise. my inability to truly thrive despite my successes says otherwise.
one more reason to get rid of my ideas of "deserving".
one more reason to redefine "fair" under my new value system.
one more reason to love myself even harder for being authentically me.
New #webdev concept: The VNC test.
If viewing a website over a VNC session uses less data than directly loading it in a browser, it fails the test.
Edit: Not a new concept, thank you @cybertailor for this reply!
re: kink, question
Incidentally, creatures in (Flemish) Belgium also qualify, for all practical purposes and intents it's close enough :p
This is also more generally a good way to spot fairweather allies: did someone suddenly start caring about an issue at the exact moment it would've benefited them to do so?
if you were wondering, severely underpowered means 4gb of ram and a celeron
yes they still make celerons
RE: https://possum.city/notes/a208ssxgg3i500q5
Time to review those patron privacy policies + your law enforcement request procedures, library folks.
"It has come to our attention that some libraries in Michigan have been receiving visits from their local FBI offices.
Agents have been specifically interested in Maker Spaces and 3d printers, the library policies for what can or cannot be made, and how the library maintains the digital files used to create items and tracks usage and users."
https://lists.mcls.org/pipermail/michlib-l/2024-December/033792.html
The Dark Reader folks are asking for financial support: https://darkreader.org/blog/firefox-bugs/#pay
Technical debt collector and general hype-hater. Early 30s, non-binary, ND, poly, relationship anarchist, generally queer.
- No alt text (request) = no boost.
- Boosts OK for all boostable posts.
- DMs are open.
- Flirting welcome, but be explicit if you want something out of it!
- The devil doesn't need an advocate; no combative arguing in my mentions.
Sometimes horny on main (behind CW), very much into kink (bondage, freeuse, CNC, and other stuff), and believe it or not, very much a submissive bottom :p
My spoons are limited, so I may not always have the energy to respond to messages.
Strong views about abolishing oppression, hierarchy, agency, and self-governance - but I also trust people by default and give them room to grow, unless they give me reason not to. That all also applies to technology and how it's built.