I had a realization earlier this week as I was pondering the fact that I have spent most of my life trying to become a different, “better” (aka neurotypical) person. I grew up watching my mom do this - she was constantly reading a new self-help book, doing some new self-help program, trying a new diet, etc. All with the hope of becoming this new, “better” (aka neurotypical) person. And of course it never worked for either of us, because we were both undiagnosed autistic people, unaware of our own neurodivergence. But I always held out hope that the next thing I found would be the one to unlock the “better” person who could cope with everything I cannot.
And as I thought about this, the realization hit me that embracing this new understanding of my autistic self means that I can actually let that project go. I can stop the futile and exhausting project of trying to become “better” (aka neurotypical), and instead begin crafting a life that actually fits autistic me. This is not to say I will give up on the enterprise of personal and spiritual growth, because I do value learning and growth through self-reflection. But it does mean that instead of trying to become something I am not, I can focus my energies on trying to become and embrace who I really am. This is a freeing (and somewhat terrifying) thought. Because I know there is a part of me, like a seed, that I’ve buried way deep inside, and it is so desperate for the opportunity to emerge, and grow, and thrive. May I find the strength and courage to let it.
Oh! FreeSewing has their own ikea style shark plushie sewing pattern if you wanna make your own trans shark https://en.freesewing.org/designs/hi/ #Sewing
I've been struggling with this myself, so I thought I'd repeat it for other people that might be dealing with the same thing:
Not every hobby needs to be a project. Not everything needs to be a whole *thing* with a goal and an endpoint. It's okay to not finish something. It's okay to pick up something for a bit, explore it, start making something, and then drop it without making any "progress".
Productivity is capitalist bullshit that doesn't need to infect your free time too. Have some fun
This is an excellent </s> time to discover that Madagascar’s weather service and disaster preparedness bureau both don’t have websites anymore and are only available on Zuckerbook.
So I'm watching a couple of folks spiraling out from a distance both off and online, and. Whew.
There's ways that some ppl will use the language of mental health, claiming that they're not getting the "community" or interpersonal "support" they need....when what's really happening is that the ppl around them are exercising their boundaries, bc the personal spiraling equates "support" w/ "letting me get away with antisocial, harmful behavior scot-free"
When someone is having whatever degree of break from reality, support actually *needs* to come in the form of someone telling them at *some* point "the way you're percieving reality right now is skewed," and that doesn't feel like support in the moment to that person, I get it. But it's what needs to happen.
The closer I get to this stuff, the clearer it is to me that "addict/surveil/extract/sell" biz models have ruined the internet really are wrecking mental health, propagating disinfo, dissolving social cohesion, etc. with very little real compensating upside. I think the case for this gets stronger everyday. But there is a TON of resistance to this among "tech people" generally, even those who work for places that would benefit from the demise of surveillance capitalism.
So you get real discomfort from tech people around even pretty weak proposals for beefed up privacy protections. You get this kind of squirming uneasiness even from tech folks who DO see that surveillance capitalism biz models are problematic. They still find it hard to reconcile themselves to the idea that nearly their entire industry, and their own wealth, is based on companies following the money within a legal structure that left basic rights unprotected against new technical capabilities.
Technical debt collector and general hype-hater. Early 30s, non-binary, ND, poly, relationship anarchist, generally queer.
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Sometimes horny on main (behind CW), very much into kink (bondage, freeuse, CNC, and other stuff), and believe it or not, very much a submissive bottom :p
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Strong views about abolishing oppression, hierarchy, agency, and self-governance - but I also trust people by default and give them room to grow, unless they give me reason not to. That all also applies to technology and how it's built.