I think what's missing in a lot of communities is a culture of mutual improvement; the ability to trust that if someone calls you out on something, the intention is to make the place better for everyone, and not to kick you down or 'compete'.
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Personally I'd go so far as to say that a community that doesn't have this, cannot ever be healthy for me - because if it doesn't, then it's even odds that any 'calling out' is going to be of the "bigotry towards neurospicy folks" variety.
@joepie91 Thank you for a short and accurate summary of my previous social circle.
@joepie91 and vice versa, any well-meaning attempt to call out a behaviour with the intent of working together on something better will be met with defensiveness and reflexively knocked back because "it already works fine for me, I don't see what your problem is".
double empathy problem indeed...