I think what's missing in a lot of communities is a culture of mutual improvement; the ability to trust that if someone calls you out on something, the intention is to make the place better for everyone, and not to kick you down or 'compete'.
Personally I'd go so far as to say that a community that doesn't have this, cannot ever be healthy for me - because if it doesn't, then it's even odds that any 'calling out' is going to be of the "bigotry towards neurospicy folks" variety.
@joepie91 and vice versa, any well-meaning attempt to call out a behaviour with the intent of working together on something better will be met with defensiveness and reflexively knocked back because "it already works fine for me, I don't see what your problem is".
double empathy problem indeed...