I think what's missing in a lot of communities is a culture of mutual improvement; the ability to trust that if someone calls you out on something, the intention is to make the place better for everyone, and not to kick you down or 'compete'.
@joepie91 and vice versa, any well-meaning attempt to call out a behaviour with the intent of working together on something better will be met with defensiveness and reflexively knocked back because "it already works fine for me, I don't see what your problem is".
double empathy problem indeed...
@joepie91 Thank you for a short and accurate summary of my previous social circle.
@joepie91 I think you’re right. But then it has to be said that it’s often hard to take comments on board because people are more vulnerable to criticism than they (we) would like to admit. Hearing something that doesn’t validate your position or opinion can be painful and that’s when the defensiveness comes out, which in turn leads to less-than-constructive conversation.
@ClaudetteK That's why it needs to be a *culture*, though, rather than a lone individual's effort - because that's how you make it possible to engage with it honestly and without immediately engaging all defenses.
(This is not a hypothetical; I am in a community that got this right)
@joepie91 That’s a good community! And yes, it has to be a culture in which people feel safe to disagree and consider other opinions without feeling personally attacked.
Personally I'd go so far as to say that a community that doesn't have this, cannot ever be healthy for me - because if it doesn't, then it's even odds that any 'calling out' is going to be of the "bigotry towards neurospicy folks" variety.