Would be nice if neurotypical folks stopped expecting people to just magically infer their intent if they can't be bothered to say what they *mean*
ableist behaviour patterns
It was the usual pattern again:
- Someone means X but says Y
- I interpret it as Y
- I get told off for not interpreting it as X
- I point out that people should say what they mean, and that I have to deal with masking all my life, and I draw the line at being told that it is *expected* from me
- Deathly silence, conversation moves onto another topic, no acknowledgment, no apologies, nothing
re: ableist behaviour patterns
(It is worth noting that this same dynamic, of course, exists along other axes of marginalization too. But right now I'm venting about my own experiences.)
ableist behaviour patterns
@joepie91 They fool themselves into thinking they mean Y. I’ve had multiple interactions where I hear Y but suspect X, ask control questions, become convinced they mean X, but still they insist on Y. Then I have to pretend Y and do X.
Sometimes it’s just them not thinking things through, sometimes it’s some stupid test whether I “got it” and sometimes it’s politics because X is the quiet part you don’t say out loud.
ableist behaviour patterns
@joepie91 Fun side effect is that the control questions make them think you’re stupid. Until they know you long enough to know that you ask control questions, then they think you’re trying to make a fool of them.
In both cases, it causes the answers to be infuriating.
re: ableist behaviour patterns
@jornane I'm 99% certain that that was exactly the case here.
Deni
ableist behaviour patterns
@joepie91 oh my stars this is such a mood. People say things they don't mean, mean things they don't say, and then get mad at *you* for not reading their mind? It's gross that it's so normalized
re: ableist behaviour patterns
The reason this especially frustrates me is because I go to rather *extreme* lengths to communicate with people on their own turf, to try and resolve conflicts, translate between neurotypical and neurospicy folks, and so on... this is a whole special interest for me.
And then I communicate in my own way once and I immediately get told off for it, with nobody in the process making even the most minimal effort to account for *my* needs or circumstances, not even bothering to acknowledge their understanding of what I have just had to spend energy to explain and 'defend' myself on *once again*