Understars 🌌 @Blinxbat@pixie.town

there are sinking Titanic themed bouncy houses in 2023, 122 years later.

which means there will be burning world trade center bouncy house slides in...roughly 2123.

she's pilking!!

we are at the dispute over oatmeal phase of marriage

#BigMan

bro suck my dick bro you gotta bro it's a lifesaving measure, man, it's basically first aid. bro we don't got any antivenom bro, like you gotta suck it out. no it's not even that weird bro, you don't even have to swallow, you can totally spit bro just you gotta act fast!

it's like totally recommended by the red cross bro, you can totally trust me. I'm first aid certified. but you can totally swallow if you want aha it's like only a problem in the bloodstream, man. it totally denatures in stomach acid and it's non-toxic, bro. my cum's like crayons bro, it's non-toxic

"Not gay! Just East German!"

okay sure buddy

congratulations to the spam caller service who figured out how to call the phone on the elevator I'm in to try selling it health insurance with a robot

this guy on a bike was riding by blasting some super upbeat and cheery reggaeton on his Bluetooth speaker, and the guy on the track said "we would like to offer.... our deepest condolences... to those affected by the tragedies of 9/11..." before the music became even brighter and happier

OH: Chess Replacement Therapy

I'm not racist at all, actually. In fact, I used to have a white coworker who once let me take a sip out of his can of monster energy

forget the alamo 💀

my wife: some other form of creature

#DeathToAmerikkka

girls are always asking me "hey Val, will you cut me up into little pieces and dump my remains in the Charles River?" and I'm getting SICK of it

Tired and cozypilled
Anti caffeine action