non-ADHD advice given to ADHD people is always like "here's one neat trick for doing the thing: just do the thing"
draw the rest of the fucking executive function
@gsuberland "too much mental load? Simply reduce your mental load by writing a to do list"
It's like they don't know that writing a to do list exponentially increases mental load for someone with ADHD
@schratze @gsuberland I mean, todo lists *can* work to some degree.. just not in any way remotely resembling the way neurotypical people suggest using them...
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@schratze @gsuberland I use day-specific todo lists as a way to have a hard cut-off; once I have completed tasks for the day, I am Done(tm) with chores, even if there's nominally more stuff to do. If I don't get all of them done, they simply get rescheduled onto another day. Prevents me from overexerting my spoons trying to do everything I am "supposed" to do in a single day...
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@joepie91 @schratze @gsuberland I'm not really sure what that actually means in practice, could you describe the process a bit more? 😅
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@hazelnot @schratze @gsuberland I currently do this in my... planner? ("agenda" in Dutch), where for every day that I'm not intentionally keeping free of chores, I write down something like 4-5 chores that I still need to do.
Then each day I look at the entry for that day, and therefore the todo list for that day, and do those chores in one go (where possible). Once I've done them, I am done with chores for the day, and the rest of the day is free time (modulo work and such). I tick off each task as I go.
If I *don't* manage to do all of them in one day, or I run out of spoons before finishing all of them, then I just take the ones that haven't been ticked off yet, and find another spot in my planner where there's still space, and re-schedule them for that day. That's not a failure to me, just a change of plans.
Normally it's more like maybe 1 or 2 chores a day, the 4-5 right now is because I have a crapton of things to prepare for my transplantation, and so my days are mostly chores for a while. The important part is that the chore selection for a day is a genuine estimate as to what is possible with your executive function, so *not* just cramming in as much as possible. If the
answer is one thing a day, then the answer is one thing a day.
Sometimes I'm feeling particularly motivated and pre-empt some chores from a later day but that's very rare.
For large chores that span more than one day, I break them up into smaller chores that can be completed in like 1-2 hours each, and then schedule those parts individually (on different days, usually).
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@hazelnot A variant of this, that works especially for lower 'chore loads', is to not keep a 'todo' list but only a 'done' list, where you track per day what you have done that day, but there's no queue of stuff to do. This mainly helps to fight the sense of "I've done nothing today" (which very often is your brain playing tricks on you and not actually true) by keeping an explicit record of achievements.
This doesn't work as well when many external obligations are placed on you, though, as it will not help you ensure you're not missing anything.
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@joepie91 Another thing task/project lists help me do is empty/calm my brain when my executive function suddenly demands I think about everything I need or want to do all simultaneously. I divide paper or notebook pages into immediate, short term, medium term, and long term/maybe, and I spitball (take a wild guess) where things belong, and let myself just write things until I start to slow/run out. (I get better/less frenetic results when I'm medicated, but it seems to help either way.)
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@joepie91 If I really need to focus on one thing, I'll prioritize the top few things and (usually after a little meandering) reduce distractions and start work on the first one.
Admittedly I'm minimizing chaos/multiple lists, etc. Some reception occurs. I find undone stuff in old notebooks, or on a sheaf of postits or a flock of unprocessed emails all the time.
And I know it's fucking hard, and I can't exactly describe how I got there... but I breathe and accept where I am. Or I try.
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@joepie91 (I don't recall what word "reception" was supposed to be. Repetition? Recopying? Revision? Idk.
Also, "task/project list" is very intentional naming. Calling it a to-do list makes me twitchy, even though essentially it is.)
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@joepie91 @schratze @gsuberland oh interesting, I should try that
Should probably get or find a planner cause if I try to use computers for this I just know what's gonna happen lol
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@hazelnot @schratze @gsuberland Yep, this is why I use a physical planner too
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@hazelnot The important part here is that the end of a day's todo list is the point where I no longer have an obligation (to myself *or* others) to do any further chores; I have done my part for today, there is another day tomorrow. In other words, I know where the end of the work queue is, so it doesn't feel perpetual.