Boggles my mind that the most... unpleasant worldview isn't like... some kind of internationalist marxist who is annoying about "the party" and instead it is... you know. Stupid old nationalism not out of place in 1917, etc.

Like... how are we still here? What the fuck happened? I mean I know the by-the-books history but, I didn't live to feel that happen. To feel how we ended up back here ready for the same old shit out of old europe again.

But this leads me to realizing the real depth of that quote where Ursula le Guin is throwing shade at her publishers. About how once the divine right of monarchy must have *felt* inevitable and inescapable. Just how long that era went on... Even endures some places still today...

I don't believe there is some inevitable vector of "progress" or "development", but I think if things do move forward I have a better sense of just how fucking slowly. How it feels through that slow experience, the way it eats at you and those around you.

And a whole new appreciation for the importance of just fucking living free in spite of all of this shit. Of surviving and helping others to as well. We can't live long enough to wait for the world to change in the reformist developmental view of things. But at the same time you can't just leave everybody behind while pursuing that purely as a lifestyle either.