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Interstellar VPN!
The latency is worth what you can only trust to an Alpha Centaurian™️ 👽
Offers and details may vary. See your local Interstellar VPN and consult local laws for details. Advertised speeds may vary due to the constant c and the number of light years to your nearest available Interstellar VPN gateway.
Here's what one satisfied customer had to say about Interstellar VPN:
"Never trust your data to Earthlings. It's not worth it. I know it might sound miserably slow to forward packets to Mx Glorbsnaxx, but I assure you your data is 100% Private and never subject to government subpoenas of the Jorbglaxx Federation! They are truly the only ones you can trust with your data. Refreshing my email takes a while, but I can rest safely knowing that my information will always be 100% Private. All of it. All of it to them. Send it all! Every device you own!"