starless @starless@pixie.town

@rolltime incredible event name, tbh

@nursejulie818 @MerlinJStar@weirder.earth

Hey, Merlin never promised a to-do list, they just have this great thread with info. Just, uh, fyi. And who is 'we'?

From an emotional perspective, it's convenient to hear about a problem, and then feel better since someone has "solved" it, but like... Is that actually a strategic move for someone to invest their time laying this out? It feels like you're asking for someone to do some extra work here for you.. Right after they already did just that.

So, I'm gonna take some guesses, and do some work for you. Hopefully I'm not totally outta line.

From what Merlin's said, the implied solution here seems straightforward: treat black people like they belong, especially in queer spaces. If there is a 'belongingness dial', turn yours further up, by default, for black people in queer spaces compared to where it is now. If someone is in a space, trust that person to know if something there speaks to them. Hold space for narratives of trans experiences that aren't white mtf experiences. And also, help nurture black-lead / black-centered trans spaces.

This seems like real simple stuff, and it's so easy to say that, and I mean this in the nicest way, it's notable to me that you didn't put the pieces together on your own. You might ask yourself why you're asking them to do more work for you, you know?

And my follow up to that is: even if they laid it out for you, how much would you do to change these interactions? Could you? Would them guiding you through this process result in a tangibly safer community, or would it just result in you feeling more reassured that this problem is 'solvable'?

Sorry to come at you swinging like this (hi, nice to meet you, my name is Starless), but this was a pattern I saw a lot of a couple of years ago, and it reminded me a lot of an older trolling tactic called "sealioning". It's not that asking questions is bad, but piling on questions on top of a lovely 'fyi' kind of a thread can belittle the work of compiling a thread like this. It can also be overwhelming for the author.

... And again, why is it so important that you, personally, have "action items"? Are you, personally, the most strategic person to explain a solution strategy to, or could someone's time be better-spent?

I love that you care enough about this want to do something, but maybe start by asking yourself why your response was to try to get *more* labor from the author. Also, when you say "we", who exactly do you mean? Why not just say 'I'? (rhetorical)

Anyways, again, I apologize if I came at you a bit strong, but this stood out to me as a bit of a 'teachable moment', and I hope you find some space to let it percolate a little. Don't obsess over it, just let some of those questions sit a little bit when you have a few minutes. And hopefully, they'll combine to make a gentle little 'push' that stays inside of you and encourages you to find ways and use your own agency to help resolve issues around you yourself.

Also, genuinely, hello, nice to meet you, my name is Starless. I like to find cat pictures to show to my girlfriend and to paint watercolors. I hope your day is kind to you.

@fack I've been wanting to go to Detroit for a couple of years.

Is this every May? It looks rad.

My morning cappuccino has a little heart in it!

@pandemoniumcrutch wow, this sounds amazing. I've never seen PT treatment transition like that. I have hypermobility issues with partial patellar subluxation.

Do you have any advice for finding a PT who is willing and qualified to treat via any strategies other than strengthening?

@fack I know this vibe well. I try to throw a dinner party every time I make soup.

@shardsofblue yeah, afab enby here and it totally seems transphobic-by-ignorance to me. It's very silly to assume a trans person's egg-situation "gender experiences" are ever predictable, relevant, or helpful.

I suggest looking up non-toxic masculine dating advice videos. You know, for dudes. Although he did fuck up while GMing a tabletop role playing game, a male friend of mine found Adam Koebel's YouTube videos helpful. He's a queer dude and you might vibe with his approach. Unfortunately, I'm not seeing a video to recommend, so this might not be all that helpful after all.

My friend was having issues with being afraid of being a creep (to the point at which he struggled to do things like order coffee from a girl or compliment her shirt) and he said Adam's office hours and relational videos were helpful. He didn't immediately turn into some jerk, so they seemed good to me.

Regardless, best of luck. I hope things get comfier. :)