Question for transmascs re: pre-transition flirting 1
So, confession: I’m often nervous to flirt with women, because I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. But when I talk about navigating that, people keep suggesting that I think back to pre-transition and how it felt nice when it was welcome.
But that assumes I ever received that attention the way a woman would, and frankly, I never did. Am I unusual in finding that advice useless at best? 1/2
Question for transmascs re: pre-transition flirting 2
I’m not so much looking for romantic advice here as I am wondering:
Isn’t that low-key transphobic-by-ignorance to assume a straight trans man would have this special insight into how straight women might feel about attention from a man? I never particularly liked it — which makes sense as I was never a straight woman. I felt “successful in womaning” at best, but even as a repressed egg it hit my dysphoria to be noticed that way. 2/2
Question for transmascs re: pre-transition flirting 2 (answer from an enby)
@shardsofblue yeah, afab enby here and it totally seems transphobic-by-ignorance to me. It's very silly to assume a trans person's egg-situation "gender experiences" are ever predictable, relevant, or helpful.
I suggest looking up non-toxic masculine dating advice videos. You know, for dudes. Although he did fuck up while GMing a tabletop role playing game, a male friend of mine found Adam Koebel's YouTube videos helpful. He's a queer dude and you might vibe with his approach. Unfortunately, I'm not seeing a video to recommend, so this might not be all that helpful after all.
My friend was having issues with being afraid of being a creep (to the point at which he struggled to do things like order coffee from a girl or compliment her shirt) and he said Adam's office hours and relational videos were helpful. He didn't immediately turn into some jerk, so they seemed good to me.
Regardless, best of luck. I hope things get comfier. :)
