starless @starless@pixie.town

You got buds who are kind of "medium" about "the whole trans rights thing"? Talk to them.

Be soft about it, at first. Trans folks have every reason to get mad, but if you're just being a good ally, please do not be mad. It will make things harder for your friend, and people usually learn better when they aren't scared to say something 'wrong'.

In my experience, a mixture of education around basic biology (particularly around how hormones work) combined with establishing what reasonable boundaries are (ie "it's rude to ask someone what their genitals are like") works best.

Other tips cis people usually haven't figured out is to usually gender by 'choices' rather than by 'appearance'-- focus on things like makeup, clothing, shoes, etc when guessing for a stranger. Or, just ask. Sometimes, people are 'medium' because they don't feel confident in navigating social situations, and if they're too uncomfortable to ask someone's pronouns, you probably won't be able to change that in a single conversation... But giving them tips on how to avoid misgendering someone is usually appreciated, if they're interested in being nicer to their fellow humans.

However, sometimes people are 'medium' because their friends are assholes and they don't want to stop being friends with assholes. If your buddy is like this, encourage them to get new friends. If they refuse, distance yourself a bit. You can check in with them a few times a year, maybe, but if they're still being weird about it, they're probably not that cool anyways.

Sometimes people take a long time to 'come around' to something, though, and if you think they might, they may find themselves in a position where they are hoping to talk to someone they might've disagreed with a few years ago. If you're trans, I wouldn't encourage you to do this because, honestly, it seems exhausting and unsafe. But, if you aren't, it can help prevent someone from retaliation over them deciding to be nice to people.

Also, their old (transphobic) friends might see how much of a better time their friend is now having, which can be a pretty persuasive situation. ...Not that you really care much about their old transphobic friends.

Help your trans friends get stable, safe, comfortably-paying jobs.

There really aren't any universal suggestions here, but do your best to help out if ya can. Remember that just because your workplace is nice to you doesn't necessarily mean that everybody there would treat your friend well.

Financial instability can exacerbate a bunch of other issues, and it can sometimes be hard to find a 'boring office job' that isn't full of microaggressions. Not to say that everybody should have a boring office job, but IMO, those are powerful tools for stability.

If a buddy comes out as trans (and has a similar gender/size to you), ask if they'd like some of your clothes, accessories, or whatever. This is, IMO, one of the most wholesome ways to support someone. When folks do gender-y stuff, rebuilding a wardrobe can be hard, time-consuming, and expensive. Going shopping with them (especially if you're similar genders) can also be fun and helpful.

Be a little careful, though! Sometimes, trying on clothes can feel a little dysphoric for someone. It's hard work to figure out if something is flattering, especially if someone is getting used to seeing their body differently. I try to avoid pushing my opinions on something onto someone unless they ask. If something looks really good, I might tell them that in a general way, but I avoid highlighting specific areas of their body unless I'm 100% sure it would be validating and wouldn't come off as patronizing or whatever.

It's usually easiest to just be a little quieter during 'trying stuff on time', and then do something that's comfy after and doesn't involve a lot of thinking about bodies.

It's also good to give them things and let them try them on at home, and then get back to you another day. They probably won't want everything, but having that space so their can process emotions or whatever, if they want it, can be a considerate thing.

Remember: you don't have any right to see or evaluate how they look in stuff. You're just here to help *them* feel comfy doing that for themselves.

Especially if you're cis, get over yourself and what 'being the kind of person who cares about trans-folks' rights' means to you. Accept that caring about things matters a lot less than actually helping a real person. Your thoughts don't change the world if they don't translate into actions.

When going out with friends, travel together. Something as simple as giving a friend a (two block long) ride to their car can help keep them safer at night. Plus, you get to chat while the car warms up! This one is extra good in the winter.

@fack hey actually

My girlfriend asked about a local mastodon server.

How do you feel about maybe hosting some goths on destituent?
🥺
👉👈

@thufie you are right, but also jorts the cat is on mastodon.social.

Do you know if there's a comfy server they might wanna migrate to?

@jacqui oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. I honestly hadn't noticed an increase in uncaptioned images. I agree that fedi is better when more images are described.

It seemed like you were suggesting that someone who doesn't have the energy to fully transcribe an image with lots of text on it shouldn't post it. I'm sorry if I misunderstood.

I know that transcription has been a barrier for me in the past. Knowing that I can just *describe* an image, rather than fully transcribing each diagram, has made me feel more comfortable posting content that communicates a message visually. In the case of a screenshot, a source (the opening paragraph to Moby Dick) can be a bit less effort but still helpful.

It can sometimes be difficult to transcribe things like complicated flow charts, too. Usually, a caption like "a diagram showing that [step] will lead to more kittens, less excess strawberries, and many more toots, along with some really complicated relationships between many different Tumblr memes from 2017. It is very silly." is just fine, even though it can feel a bit like a cop-out.

Would a "complete" transcription help? It can, yeah. There's a chance that a noisy transcription that shows everything but the actual focus of the picture is kinda "buried" might not be as helpful as a briefer description, though. It kinda depends and usually works out best if people use their best judgement.

But yeah, that does totally mean planning on taking a minute or so to describe a picture (if ya can) or to @ someone to help transcribe, and some folks might not be used to that.

If you're curious, there's some resources on writing image descriptions for difficult content I can link, if you'd like. I think NASA had some nice advice? Otherwise, no worries at all. I'm just parroting what I've heard from vision-impaired folks on here over the last year or two.

@MerlinJStar@weirder.earth the caption looks great. :)

@jacqui hey, this seems pretty extreme.

It's OK to summarize stuff if someone doesn't have the energy to caption something with all the text. It's easiest to just copy the text into the description if you can, or to use a transcription tool. There are also groups on here that folks can tag to help, and you can help fill in descriptions in the comment thread for others who didn't have the energy to type up a thorough description, too. IMO, it's better that folks are around, nice, and that there's enough context so that people who can't see the image are still included.

Demanding whole transcription for every post wholesale is kinda ableist-- different groups of folks can have different access needs. Thankfully, it's something that's easy for other folks to help out with. :)

@fack awww, buddy. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing your best to do your best for her.

The world isn't something anyone has total control over. Try to accept that you won't be perfect and be a bit gentle. She's a good cat and you're a good cat dad. Don't overthink it. 🖤

@BestGirlGrace (the hinge is a flexible part of the screen. There is a hardware thing that's like a little wide block that prevents it from closing and 'creasing' super duper flat. You can feel it, but it doesn't get in the way. The folding bit is great for selfies since you don't need a stand.)