My phone just went into a bootloop and is stuck there.

I have an old one I can use for now, but the battery is trash, and it's likely to fall apart soon as well.

When did it become impossible to find a phone that has:

* Screen size between 5-6 inches (much over 6 is a non-starter)

* Storage 256GB or greater or accepts microSD expansion

* Headphone jack

* Preferably no ridiculous "single-function" hardware key that summons Google to spy on me or my family

* Native Dvorak soft keyboard layout (This one typically rules anything Apple out as they staunchly refuse to add a software Dvorak layout. Who knows why.)

Suggestions are very much welcome.

The closest new set I can find is the LG G8, but it seems to have the ubiquitous Google-Please-Record-What-I'm-Saying-Without-My-Consent button.