@williampietri This pretty much describes me (and it's definitely an AuDHD thing). What works best for me is when someone just outright asks "when should I remind you?" and otherwise makes clear what the expectations are.

For example, something like "let me know if you don't have time for this right now, I have a plan B" or "if you want to delay, just send me a short e-mail with when to remind you, nothing fancy" is immensely helpful to me in communicating the (social) expectations.

It's a pretty difficult balance to hit, even for myself; too many reminders and it starts feeling like pressure, too few reminders and it just vanishes from my brain, never to be found again, and I don't always know what the right frequency is for myself. So I wouldn't blame anyone for getting the frequency wrong, as long as I can tell them "hey remind me less/more often" without them getting offended (and like with everything, it helps if that's made explicit).

I guess in the end it all comes down to the ability to communicate expectations and needs clearly and directly in both directions, without dancing around the issue. As long as that's possible (and I can be *confident* that it is), I'm not likely to be bothered by any particular choice someone makes on how to interact with me, because it can always be corrected for anyway.