Every time I can't play video games on the desktop for a length of time I suddenly become a lot more capable of dealing with chores and doing stuff I like doing that *isn't* playing video games all day, and I wonder how I could use that to my advantage
Like, now I can't play Half-Life 2 or Baldur's Gate 3 cause I'm sick and I can't sit for too long at the desk or play those games cause I'd just get too dizzy
Today after I stopped spiralling about this weird-ass flu, I... started sketching? And watching some art fundamentals stuff? And wanting to draw more?
But after this passes I'll just go back to the old routine of wake up -> turn on PC -> play video games all day
So yeah idk, I really should build up some discipline is I guess the main takeaway here. Which I assume is done by... having the discipline to not do the things I do in the first place? Just sucks that it requires discipline to train discipline in the first place 💀
advice, mh
@hazelnot I'm not sure 'discipline' is the right mental model there, that'll likely just end with chastising yourself over 'failing at it' and that causing a depression loop (which would make things worse). Probably the first step would be to figure out *why* games tend to suck you in, in detail, and then find a way to deal with that.
For example, is it because there's a low barrier to starting with them, and the barrier to doing art is high? You could improve on that by either a) finding a way to make art easier to get started on, or b) increasing the barrier to video games (eg. by having a dual-boot setup and isolating games to one OS).
advice, mh, therapy
@joepie91 I mean, it is discipline though, even my therapist uses that term when talking about it, and we spent some time focusing on trying to get myself to stop blaming myself for when I "fail at it"... though it does usually only end up working for a few days and then I fall more and more behind cause I can't consistently remind me and believe that it's not a failure... so idk?
Games suck me in because they're instant serotonin release machines, probably, and yeah they're a lot easier than productive stuff. Even if I'm kinda sleepy I can still just, launch a game and Get Stuff Done™ in them, as opposed to, like, real life stuff
I'm not sure whether dual-booting would help, I assume I'd just end up booting into the OS with the games every time anyway, and I'm not sure what I'd even dual boot between, since I'm really trying to avoid Windows and running another Linux distro alongside EndeavourOS sounds like it would make the EOS stuff even more of a headache 💀
advice, mh, therapy
@hazelnot "though it does usually only end up working for a few days and then I fall more and more behind cause I can't consistently remind me"
That is a typical feature of ADHD and a whole lot of other disabilities, and it is pretty much the reason I don't like the 'discipline' framing, because all too often that really just boils down to 'neurotypical expectations in a trenchcoat'.
If you're disabled - which, if you have ADHD, you are - then the reality is that some things in your brain are just not going to work right, and there's no amount of 'practice' that can fix that; you can only understand what those things are, and find accommodations in your life to make them not get in the way. "Just trying harder" is almost never the answer there.
It may be worth looking at the 'alternate account' thing suggested by @puppygirlhornypost2@transfem.social because that doesn't require a whole second OS?
What I've found to work pretty well for me is to do it in 'spurts'; I'm focused on projects for a while, then I need to loosen the pressure and dive into video games for a few hours to days, then once that starts feeling like a drag or dissociative experience, that's my cue to go back to projects again. Part of making this work is just accepting that I am not going to be doing project stuff 100% of the time.
advice, mh, therapy
@joepie91 @puppygirlhornypost2 also maybe I should specifically look for a therapist who's experienced in working with people with ADHD, cause my therapist basically goes about it like "well now we know, anyway, here's the same thing I've been telling you for years anyway"
advice, mh, therapy
@hazelnot @puppygirlhornypost2@transfem.social That's probably a good idea. The focus on 'discipline' makes me question their competence as an ADHD/disability therapist, to be completely honest.
advice, mh, therapy
@joepie91 @puppygirlhornypost2 I mean they're not an ADHD/disability therapist, I didn't even know I had ADHD when I started going to them 😅
They have helped me a bunch, including with getting an ADHD diagnosis and later meds though
advice, mh, therapy
@joepie91 @puppygirlhornypost2 they'll have to drop me soon due to personal stuff in their life interfering with their ability to run their practice in the near future anyway though, and they said they'll refer me to someone else, so I'll ask them if they could refer me to someone who's better at this kind of stuff 😅
My main concern is that they might know anyone like that considering this is Romania though :(
advice, mh, therapy
@hazelnot @puppygirlhornypost2@transfem.social If it's on NixOS, maybe patch the Lutris package so that it wraps it in a shell script that immediately exits when run under your main user?
advice, mh, therapy
@joepie91 @puppygirlhornypost2 nah I don't feel smart enough to use NixOS lmao, afaik you basically need to learn a programming language to even configure the thing
I'm on EndeavourOS, and even on an Arch-based distro I do most of the config stuff via GUI 😅
advice, mh, therapy
@joepie91 @puppygirlhornypost2 yeah I'll try the separate user accounts thing, it sounds way easier to manage haha
Though I'll have to figure out how to enforce the separation since, I mean, everything is installed globally and a lot of the games I start from Lutris