@elilla For what it's worth, I think that this is actually very useful advice - you can usually learn most from how things have gone wrong. Stories and experiences like this are exactly what helped me figure out healthier ways of community-building over the years.

The result so far, here, is a household that I would say is somewhere between 'polycule' and 'small commune', but moving towards the latter very very slowly and gradually as we figure things out and stabilize them, I guess we'll eventually end up shaping a commune out of the household, though who knows what the future holds. And it all pretty much started as "me hosting queer folks" too, and just sort of developed from there.

What has helped a lot here too is that we all come from an online queer community that has a strong emphasis on conflict resolution and talking out problems, leaving a ban as the last resort when someone is structurally refusing to engage in the conflict resolution process, and so much of this is "just" a matter of porting that to a physical household/community, and working out the pragmatic issues like chore division and delegation. We've all already had a chance to practice this mode of interaction in a lower-stakes environment.