"Did you just lose 100m customer SSNs because your root password was "password", you set an S3 bucket to public or you didn't patch a well known vulnerability for 8 months? Is the media and government chewing you out because of it? Worry not! Our free excuse generator will help you develop an air-tight breach statement in no time!"

"The fucking technology whiz kids used cyborg bees to extract some private keys.
But we have since gotten PCI certified, so it will never happen again."

@f0x "equifax already fucking used that one" kills me

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