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lol whythefuckwasibreached.com/
"Did you just lose 100m customer SSNs because your root password was "password", you set an S3 bucket to public or you didn't patch a well known vulnerability for 8 months? Is the media and government chewing you out because of it? Worry not! Our free excuse generator will help you develop an air-tight breach statement in no time!"

@f0x
"The fucking technology whiz kids used cyborg bees to extract some private keys.
But we have since gotten PCI certified, so it will never happen again."

@f0x "equifax already fucking used that one" kills me

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