On Reddit, I saw pics from a woman who had similar wound separation.

On the one hand, 6 months later she looks beautiful.

On the other hand she got a revision surgery at 3 weeks. I'm laying here unable to get my doctor to look at it before 4 weeks. But she only posted pictures from after the revision, so maybe hers was worse.

I don't know whether or not to hope my surgeon offers me a revision. I don't want to do more surgery, but I do want my vagina to heal well.

I bought like three different kinds of pads to try to find one that chaffes less.

A week ago I was starting to feel well enough to use my laptop, or watch a movie on the sofa with my friends. Now the pain is so bad that all I can do is lay in bed.

It hurts too much to walk. When I sit on the toilet I feel like I'm going to rip apart. Once my wound gets irritated it keeps hurting for 30 minutes.

Ibuprofen is an important part of my pain management plan, it turns out.

Sitting panty-less on an incontinence pad for hours while my vagina leaks fluid into a puddle around my butt causes a painful rash on my butt, it turns out.

I'm still in pain, but yesterday without Ibuprofen was unbearable. Last night my friend asked me something, like what I want for dinner, and I ended up just crying and talking about how scared I am.

Two days until I see the surgeon again.

I'm scared of going home with a vagina that isn't healed enough.
I'm scared of being out of work longer.
I'm scared of being bedridden longer.
I'm scared the trip home might make it worse.
I'm scared I might accidentally make it worse.
I'm scared the more chaotic environment at home will make it worse.

Like, if everything had healed better then I wouldn't be in such danger from a cat wanting to sit on my lap. What if my 15 lb cat hits my vagina with a paw while jumping on my lap?

I'm scared if I need a revision or something that I won't be able to navigate the beaurocracy properly to get it done. I burned all my resources to get vaginoplasty, I have nothing left to get something fixed.

And I'm scared of being in debilitating pain until this is fixed. I've seen that happen to women after vaginoplasty! Granulation tissue is common and painful. Even if my wound heals well on it's own, it could leave granulation tissue entirely encircling my vaginal opening.

I'm a scared little bunny, ya know?

I got a new brand of maxipad and I'm afraid to switch :《

I had been using Always Overnight Maxi-Pads and having irritation on my legs and labia. Someone recommended Kotex so I'm trying one of these now. I'll let yall know now it goes.

The Always had wings and I think those were rubbing my legs too much. But without wings will this move too much? Is it long enough? It's thin for comfort but can it absorb enough. Let's find out!

P.S.: I bought Kotex for my ex-partner while helping her through recovery, and she didn't hate them AFAIK.

So far so good with these Kotex maxi-pads (no wings). They are softer, and they are less stiff. I can feel the difference of not having the wings. But there's always the chance wingless will irritate in its own way.

I also got them with wings. Because I was in a lot of pain, and on a lot of painkillers, and couldn't think things through very well. I'll keep yall updated.

It doesn't hurt right now and I'm afraid to move and ruin it but I need to dilate .

While I was doing the usual wiggles I do to get into position for dilating, I was looking at my vulva using the hand mirror. I think the way I lift my left leg has been pulling apart the edges of the wound on that side.

Every movement I make with my legs moves the edges of my wounds, but this looked bad enough that I was like "oh fuck." This probably contributed to the incision opening in the first place! Fuck.