You ever regret being an artist for hire because art-as-work kills your motivation, but also realize it's all you *can* do, and you can't even do *that* consistently due to pervasive mental health problems and physical health issues on top of them, or is it just me

If I could *handle* a day job at this point, let alone get one...eh.

I guess what I'm saying is I wish I could either become a machine that makes art, or win the fucking lottery so I could refund all my (very overdue at this point) commissioners and just live in a hole off of whatever's left over

I don't know why I ever thought I could be successful at this, let alone continue treading water, which I'm not even doing anymore. I've had to rely on my roommates to cover my portion of rent for a few months now because apparently I'm too goddamn useless to function at even a basic level as an artist and I did *not* want to add yet more work to my queue that I'd just struggle to finish forever