I think part of the reason so many trans women are uncomfortable being dommes is because being dominant is often treated as something that is antithetical to being cute. You hear “If you’re surrounded by stuffies then clearly you want someone to take charge” or “if you use :3 I’m going to assume you want to get bent over and railed” or “real dommes wear intimidating outfits, not cute colors.”

And I’m here to tell you: Fuck all of that.

I’m a domme. I sleep in a bed of stuffies. I once broke a riding crop across someone’s back. I use :3. I sometimes get a consenting person so deep in hypnosis she’s literally drooling on herself. I wear pastels when I’m in the mood. I have the will and skill to absolutely leave a partner a whimpering, quivering mess barely able to speak.

You can be cute and dominant, you can be soft and in control, you can be a caring and a sadist.

So if you want to be the domme, don’t think that means you have to sacrifice being cute. Embrace both. Wear pastels as you lock someone onto a St. Andrew’s cross, give a sub one of your stuffies. Go :3 as you make someone scream.

As long as you have consent and are following proper safety and aftercare, find the style that works for you.