Annalise Bloodrose (Áine) @SophicLeech@pixie.town

I don't see this talked about like, ever.

So I'll talk about it.

If you realised you're trans but find yourself sometimes not really hating your assigned gender and being like "meh" to it?

1) That doesn't mean you've been cis all along;
2) It doesn't mean you just imagined your dysphoria;
3) You're not "pretending" anything or lying to anyone, least of all yourself.

It just means you're more tired than dysphoric. Your brain can't keep negative feelings at full steam all the time, which is good. It's not supposed to.

Do not measure your transness by how much you CURRENTLY need to transition. Dysphoria comes and goes. So does euphoria, for that matter.

I went through several cycles of "I am trans. Wait... I don't feel strongly about this anymore. Was that real? No, wait, ARGH, I'm trans. Wait..." and so on, before I started transitioning. Fooled me every single time.

I still experience this. I'm experiencing this today. I am currently wondering why this whole transition thing is such a big deal to me.

But guess what. I know I'm trans, I've been through this before. Doubts that something is true are not the same as knowing it is not.

You will have doubts whether you're trans years after you transition to your general satisfaction. You will. It just happens. You will still be almost certainly happy that you transitioned. That's what being trans means.

If you don't MIND your assigned gender at the moment, but still your actual gender sounds neat, you're still trans.

You're allowed to pause things and recalibrate, or focus on something else. Your transition should go at your pace.

But you haven't suddenly become cis. I promise you that you haven't. You still prefer to function as your real gender, don't you?

I've done this enough times that I need to say it. It's OK. It ebbs and flows. As long as you're not actually *satisfied* with your assigned gender, as long as you have ANY overall need to transition, you're not cis. You may be genderfluid or genderflux or bigender or agender or genderqueer or non-binary. Knock yourself out exploring those (I sure did). There's no penalty for concluding with "nah".

You may also be very Very, Very Tired.

But none of those things mean "cis". I'm begging you, believe me.

EDIT: one good way to figure this out is - OK, so you don't jump for joy at the thought of transitioning. Now imagine yourself in your actual gender. Imagine it's all done and dealt with. Is your imagined self repulsive, do you want to *avoid* this? Does the idea of HAVING transitioned fill you with discomfort?

If not, then you're not cis. Cis people are *uncomfortable* with the idea of transitioning because they inhabit their AGAB. That's their entire deal.

EDIT 2: also, this is the MOST unintuitive thing ever - I firmly believe feeling "meh" about transition can paradoxically be a symptom of dysphoria.

I don't think it's an accident that I currently feel this way after some rough days, and while having to deal with several days' worth of facial hair. One way dysphoria manifests is that your emotions shut down for maintenance. It's good. But it doesn't mean they were never there in the first place.

I'm really proud of how I rigged this model! Isn't the tail mesmerizing? 🩷

#vtuber #commission #3dmodel #blender3d

Another #PixelArt daily done! :) The last titan.

You can grab the full-quality versions (for free) here: https://ko-fi.com/i/IQ5Q2SKFR5

ENJOY!

what doesn't kill you makes everyone around you call you brave, while not addressing the thing that almost killed you

Stream over!
Thank you to everyone who stopped by to support my redebut.

I'm going to keep doing this as long as I'm able.

🧪⚙️

In two hours (1pm Pacific) I'll be live with my debut stream.
I'm incredibly anxious but everything will be fine right?
🧪⚙️✨
🔗 twitch.tv/KhemiaMistwalker

#vtuber #envtuber #vtuberuprising

This year was kinda wild.
Words can't really describe how much I appreciate everyone's support. ❤️

BIG NEWS: The FDA just approved the first gene therapies to treat sickle cell disease. One of these is the first CRISPR treatment for any type of disease to be approved in the US.

Sickle cell disease is a life-threatening disease that disproportionately affects Black people. As with many conditions affecting marginalized communities, it hasn't received enough attention. Having new treatments is a huge step! We need to make them accessible to those who need it most.

https://www.fda.gov/news-events/press-announcements/fda-approves-first-gene-therapies-treat-patients-sickle-cell-disease

Going live in 2 hours~
I still have more work to do on the textures of this model. But we may play around with rigging too. 💚​

#vtuber #ENVtuber #blender3d

Annual reminder that Christopher Columbus can fuck right off and indigenous peoples deserve better.

Cherish those you have in your life, and celebrate that instead.

In one hour I'm going live to work on texturing! Stop by and say hi if you can~ 💚​

#vtuber #ENVtuber #blender3d #commission

Morning sketch-stream results!

Drew some gay stuff again.

#LGBTQ #Catgirl #Lamia #VTuber #VTuberEN #Art #MastoArt

I've been streaming for around two years now and one of my favorite things is helping friends and loved ones get started on streaming themselves. I love being able to help them with the things I had to struggle with on my own~

Still recovering, felt much better today though 💪
A lot of sketches and some finished works incoming 💜

For Volpeon
#wip #dragon #dragonart #fantasy #fantasyart #furry #furryart #digitalart #commission

These two days have been working best for me so I'm gonna just stick with it for now. 💚

In a little over 2 hours I'm going live with day 8 of this commission. Nearly done with the outfit! 💚​

#vtuber #ENVtuber #twitch #commission #blender

I want a pet moth that's the size of a medium sized dog

Reposting this here because I just learned this art got my account restricted on Twitter for being offensive :3
Enjoy~

In one hour I'll be live with another day of modeling clothing for Yuki~

#vtuber #ENVtuber #twitch #commission #blender