Friday was a big day. Saturday was a big day. Today, I try to rest.

Today, I cannot entirely rest.

I had a phone call with a friend from college. Another one of our friends died a couple of days ago. We hadn't been close.

He'd been kind of an ass to his girlfriend, who eventually left him a few years ago. He was broke, delusional, and insisted that he was getting sufficient psych help because someone he knew online was ostensibly writing (with intent to publish) an academic paper on his presentation of DID. The friends who were visiting him at the time pushed, but didn't want to actively do something against his will. A couple of weeks later, he was found dead, presumably of asphyxiation or overdose.

Once upon a time, he was really cool. But, more relevantly, he was also an asshole. People tried for years to get him to be less of an asshole. He treated others and himself badly. But he clearly was in need of more help than he got, and his death weighs.

We checked in on him. We did as much work as we could stomach. And he was still an asshole and he is still dead. Sometimes, the world is just ugly.

Be careful about where you're getting your mental health help from, and maybe check in on your friends who are trying to navigate things like finding a therapist or getting competent treatment. And, you know, if sobriety is hard, maybe go talk to someone you trust about that.

If you're dating an asshole, it's okay to stop and leave. This could have been so much worse if his ex weren't elsewhere.

Life is fleeting. Maybe love your friends a little louder today. Big oof day.