(I'm writing this as someone who has partially overcome executive functioning problems.)

If you have ADHD, you're going to encounter a lot of (social) expectations and obligations, likely so many that you'll get overwhelmed and eventually decide "fuck it all".

But an important skill to learn is to distinguish the *necessary* from the *unnecessary* obligations, and spend your spoons accordingly.

Most of the obligations that are placed on you by mainly neurotypical folks, can be safely ignored. You don't *need* to go to parties or get-togethers. You don't *need* to attend family events. You don't *need* to get a 9-to-5 job. And so on.

But for every obligation, you should ask yourself: "does ignoring this obligation have concrete, negative consequences for my ability to function and live my life?"

For example, sleep schedule is typically an important one; it doesn't need to be a standard sleep schedule, but it *does* need to have enough overlap with opening times of stores, government organizations etc. to live your life - so you need to put in the effort of finding a workable schedule *and keeping yourself to it*.

Likewise, keeping food preparation areas clean is a big one; if you're neurospicy, you probably have difficulty eating in time, and so it is important to remove any barriers that would keep you from doing so (like a dirty kitchen). So you need to invest the spoons in making yourself do the cleaning after use.

And so on, and so forth. Identify the things that are actually necessary for you to function, and spend your spoons on those first to build up a baseline of executive functioning, even when it sucks, even when you don't want to. Drop the obligations you have no use for, even if people complain.

But take the *actually necessary* obligations seriously, and don't skip out on them or let yourself find excuses to delay them.