I used to help with a local chapter of Food Not Bombs. One time, someone who was receiving food decided that they'd complain that the food wasn't what they wanted, and they were very mean.
I was having a bad day and kind of lost my shit. The other homeless folks receiving food saw "this guy is pissing off the people who brought food" and chased him off
I realized at that moment that it takes a particular type of person to give out of kindness, and to weather the abuse of the unfortunate
(cont
It takes a very particular kind of person, possessing a great deal of patience and kindness, to give to those in need, even while those in need are ungrateful and unkind.
Their frustration and unkindness is merely a reflection of the unkindness directed towards them by the world.
The kinds of people who possess the patience and kindness to extend support to those in need, even while those in need express a lot of frustration and unkindness... there's not very many of them on fedi
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You might be able to berate someone into giving support to someone in need a few times... until their hearts harden to others' needs and when told how much of a shitty person they are for not giving support, simply reply "yeah, that's me, I'm an asshole, go fuck yourself, I'm not giving you anything"
The world does not get better through perpetuating the same abuse that makes it shitty now
Of course, the people who most need to hear this are also the people most fueled by anger, frustration
The kinds of people who are most likely to give support to those in need out of the kindness of their hearts, are also the kinds of people to block or mute people on their timeline that only bring anger and frustration.
Do with this information what you will.
discussion re: mutual aid
@katanova Honestly, I feel like this description really only applies to a particular kind of giver; someone who does it for a motivation that lies somewhere between "social expectation" and "personal feeling of doing good" (with the exact point varying by person).
But that is not the only way to approach this; it can also be approached from a perspective of "there is an ill in the world, and everyone including me has the inherent obligation to do their part in resolving it", ie. a moral motivation.
I've seen the behaviour you're describing from the former group, but not so much from the latter group. And crucially, that is part of the complaint here by many poor folks - you cannot rely on someone who's only there to support you when they get something out of it themselves, because you never know when some circumstance you do not control changes the math for them and you are left behind.
The underlying desire here is not to pressure people into sending some money, that's just the immediate ask; the actual underlying desire is for people to show *actual solidarity*, to act out of a *moral* framework instead of a "what do I get out of this" perspective.
Or to phrase it more concisely: people aren't asking for kindness, they're asking for solidarity. You cannot build a better world on opportunistic kindness alone.
discussion re: mutual aid
@joepie91 By which I mean, there are proven effective strategies to convincing complete strangers to give you money.
There are also proven effective strategies for building a mutual aid solidarity coalition of people who will support each other.
These strategies are mutually exclusive.
Either we're building relationships of genuine care and concern, with a commitment to supporting each other through hard times.
Or we're begging for money from strangers.
(cont)
discussion re: mutual aid
@joepie91 Trying to do both is going to lead to a lot of frustration and disappointment from every party involved.
Genuine friends will be frustrated that they feel like they're being manipulated, and strangers will be alienated from the expectation of giving money to people without some kind of reciprocity.
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discussion re: mutual aid
@joepie91 I want to be able to help and support people. I might be in a position to do that within a couple years. Even if I'm in a position to do that, it makes much more sense logistically to provide support to a small group of close friends, enabling us to better support each other.
Mutual aid works between friends and close-knit groups. It's not so much a process that works between networks of loose acquaintances online, which is what fedi is most of the time.
discussion re: mutual aid
@joepie91 I want to be clear, that I'm fully there with you in this. I agree that a better world is built on solidarity.
My point is that the people who provide support out of sincere care and solidarity are few and far between.
Most people are on fedi to share good feels and get good feels.
From a kind of academic, analytical perspective, convincing people to give money or other support is a solved problem
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