ND relationships, 'friendship decay', advice 
I forgot the proper term for this, or where I first read about it, but it seems to be something that a lot of folks still aren't aware of: relationships work differently for a lot of ND folks.
It's just sort of *assumed* in society that if you don't talk to a friend for a long time, that the friendship "degrades"; they "become more distant" if you don't keep in contact with them.
But for a lot of ND folks (me included), especially autistic folks, this isn't how it works; relationships exist 'outside of time', they remain stable even if we've not talked to someone for a long time! They're still the same person, and our view of them doesn't change whether it's been a day or a year.
So, really: talk this through with your friends! Make sure that you're on the same page as to whether "friendship decay" is a thing that you both experience or not. It prevents a lot of anxiety and conflict down the line.
ND relationships, 'friendship decay', advice :boost_requested:
@joepie91 The only time I've had ND friendships experience this decay it's been because we spiraled thinking the other person was mad at us, usually due to misinterpreting some offhanded comment and not wanting to bother the other person. Otherwise it behaves exactly as you describe.
re: ND relationships, 'friendship decay', advice
@ellie Yep, a familiar issue... discussing this phenomenon with people explicitly has helped a lot for me there, though, to prevent that from happening
ND relationships, 'friendship decay', advice :boost_requested:
@joepie91 It's also a strong ADHD trait. And yes, talking about it helps. I don't contact you regularly not because I don't like you anymore, but because months can pass and I get distracted by plenty of other things and how does time even work? The next time we see each other, I just immediately pick up where we stopped. I also encourage people to initiate that.
ND relationships, 'friendship decay', advice :boost_requested:
@joepie91 I am surprised this is considered an ND thing. I just see it as standard, and also at the same time as something where 'everyone and every relationship is different, and it/they can also change/adopt over time'. It's not something I would see as "We discussed this once, so now it's agreed" - in that sense it is not "outside of time", since my opinions, emotions, needs/wants and relationships "constantly change".
ND relationships, 'friendship decay', advice :boost_requested:
@joepie91 And as such, any thing and any emotional change in relation to another person may be "worth discussing/mentioning", especially in "friendships". I prefer not to attach such labels any more, after too many disappointments, where I felt very strongly about how I expected a person to "be[have]" based on such a "category". All my relationships are unique. I protect myself (and the other) by reducing the amount of expectations.
ND relationships, 'friendship decay', advice :boost_requested:
@joepie91 In turn, this allows anyone to have other "priorities" at any given moment in time, while at the same time "honoring" the other's priorities. There may be an unfortunate mismatch in timing, but that doesn't invalidate any before or after. Expectations are in that sense contracts (implicit or explicit) and create liability. I try to limit liabilities and make sure I have some "fallback options". This creates space for both.
ND relationships, 'friendship decay', advice :boost_requested:
@joepie91 wait what it never occurred to me this is a ND thing. I just thought the occasional times someone had been weird about a big gap of contact was because they were having a bad day/week/year or something o.o
ND relationships, 'friendship decay', advice :boost_requested:
@joepie91 I've also recently had definitely ND friends over compensate for this by profusely apologising for not, say, texting in a week or something and just found it so baffling (like of course you don't owe me a text?!) but that makes more sense now
ND relationships, 'friendship decay', advice
@joepie91 hmmm. I'm ND (ASD + ADHD) and I can't relate