mastodon dot lol meta
So to get this clear: death threats towards the admin are not okay, and that one decision alone doesn't make him a TERF. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt here, and assume that those things really did happen, even though I've seen none of them.
But, with that said: here's this very curious pattern again, where a supposed ally is called out on a decision they've made that harms the marginalized group they're supposedly an ally to.
And instead of engaging with that, listening, and correcting course - they just complain about the criticism, and take some kind of drastic measure (in this case, shutting down the instance).
And suddenly, the entire focus of the conversation shifts to "oh no how horrible, I'm sorry that you had to do that" towards the admin, and away from the thing that the admin was criticized for. Which they never actually properly engaged with.
And when you call out "hey uh, you never did do anything about that problematic thing", that will get cut down by other "allies" who argue that "this is not the right time to bring that up".
Suddenly, the "ally" who did the harmful thing is centered in the conversation. Instead of the marginalized folks that the harm is being done to.
It's a curious pattern, and it's not the first time I've seen it happen.
re: mastodon dot lol meta
@joepie91 I think this is just the obvious endgame of the DARVO* tactics so many of us are culturally pre-programmed to fall back on.
They feel harmed by a report of harm they consider invalid, and DARVO to build a base of counter-support to fight the report instead of taking the report at face value.
Any community mod/admin who hasn't gotten a handle on this is one comment away from becoming an unintentional abuser.
* (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender)
mastodon dot lol meta :boosts_ok_gay:
@joepie91 sorry, I probably missed a bunch of stuff. what happened now
mastodon dot lol meta :boosts_ok_gay:
re: mastodon dot lol meta, suicide mention
@kescher
1. https://mastodon.lol/@nathan/109836004635134601
2. angry/frustrated comments from trans folks
3. https://mastodon.lol/@nathan/109836633022272265
4. Nathan telling some of the people with critical replies to kill themselves
@joepie91 well the problem with that is if there's pretty much nothing you can do. People nowadays are not willing to give anyone slack for something they did in the past. Even if they made amends it's not enough. I don't know what you do about that.
People should be allowed to learn and grow and be better and when they are better than that should be acknowledged.
@denebeim I'm not sure what you're referring to here. The admin made no attempt to learn from this and grow; had he done so, I expect that the response would have been very different.
mastodon dot lol meta, suicide mention
Addendum: "it is completely unacceptable to tell people to kill themselves" and "those comments were made because of distress" can both be true at the same time.
It's important to recognize that those comments aren't automatically proof of Nathan being "evil" - but it also doesn't relieve him of responsibility for making them.